male survivor here -
for me - my wife had to say - "This is not working. You need to get professional help. Or there will be consequences."
i was so deep in denial that i didn't even recognize how screwed up i was. it was a relief to me to have a push in the right direction. once it was "out there" i knew i had to do something to save our marriage and regain my life.
i can't say that course of action will work for everyone - but it was the beginning of big steps in recovery for me and mending a broken relationship for us.
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9