male survivor here -
for me - my wife had to say - "This is not working. You need to get professional help. Or there will be consequences."
i was so deep in denial that i didn't even recognize how screwed up i was. it was a relief to me to have a push in the right direction. once it was "out there" i knew i had to do something to save our marriage and regain my life.
i can't say that course of action will work for everyone - but it was the beginning of big steps in recovery for me and mending a broken relationship for us.
"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself... And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity." - Paulo Coelho