Hi Ginger. I cannot write much right now, but I want you to know you aren't alone. Never abandon yourself. Just because you H was hurt in a profound way as a child does not make him unaccountable for his actions now. I am so glad that he has begun his recovery... I suggest you get yourself some too, regardless of your choice to stay or remain. I have also come to believe, through painful self-experience, that we must always make certain our needs are being met and let go of what the outcome will be of this. Set your boundaries, with consequences. And if you choose to put some distance between the two of you while you learn to take care of yourself a while, it does not necessarily mean the death of the relationship. You can choose to remain in each others lives, but with some space and with the intention of drawing closer again when each of you have more to offer one another. It sound like your guy may need some time too. You can be a support and friend without being crushed under the weight of it all. I also believe that you can't "abandon" an adult.

Anyway, not sure if what I have said makes sense or has come across. The following website says it so much better than I.
http://joy2meu.com/Personal_Boundaries.htm

Be well.
_________________________
I am not your rolling wheels, I am the highway
I am not your carpet ride, I am the sky
- Audioslave