I haven't been to a therapist about this yet. Neither has he. I am close to going and am willing to. He however thinks he doesn't need one and that therapy won't help. So I feel resentment--like why should I take time out of my busy day to see a therapist about issues he caused me to have when he won't go himself!! I think he's at the beginning stages of everything--he's still just remembering things that happened.

Sometimes I feel like I'm just a caretaker too. He hasn't slept in the same bed as me for a very long time. He tells me I'm the one person he can trust with this secret of his. I'm the one person he feels safest around. Yet he can't sleep with me. I just want him next to me--not even sex. It's hard accepting that only he can heal himself sometimes (although I know thats true). I wish I could fix him. So many of my thoughts are about him. I know this is codependency stuff. But how I wish so much for him to wake up and realize what he needs to do to be better. Or if I'm wishing for things, I guess I just wish to wake up and this have all just been a bad nightmare.

I know this won't go away but I want to get to the point where we are okay. Where I feel him trying at least. No doubt that he will stumble along the way. But if I could just feel him trying...