To support you, he doesn't need to take on your crap. He may have difficulty handling it, but that doesn't mean you should stuff your feelings.. With that said, you need a healthy outlet for your feelings, so getting your own therapist or going to a group meeting weekly (like alanon or coda - even if he isn't or wasn't an alcoholic, I'm told alanon is still a great support). We need to learn to heal ourselves and we need to learn to set boundaries to protect ourselves from further hurt. Emotional hurt is no a competition... his does not trump yours! Is your H going to therapy himself, because if he isn't, then the hurt he feels and inflicts of those he loves around him will continue. For me, it took a long time to realise the difference between telling my husband he "should" get therapy and setting the boundary that I could no longer tolerate his behaviour while he did nothing to help himself. I have no doubt he will stumble along the way to recovery, but as long as he continues to work towards recovery, then I will stand beside him as his wife. What I came to realise is that I could not stand by and watch him sabotage everything he achieved time and time again (not to mention the acting out, complete blindness to anyone else's needs and anger outbursts at the slightest comment that he perceived as an attack). This was not a relationship or a marriage. I was his caretaker, his metaphorical punching bag and his therapist, but had long ago ceased to be his wife, friend and lover. As damaged as he is/was, only he has the power to heal himself. It is OK to ask for more. In fact, if we don't we settle and I certainly wouldn't want to know anyone had "settled" for me.

His petulant remarks when you express your hurt is his child coming out. Calmly demand to be married to an adult. It will not happen over night, but it will NEVER happen unless you ask for it.

Be well.
_________________________
I am not your rolling wheels, I am the highway
I am not your carpet ride, I am the sky
- Audioslave