Tina,

I feel your pain. You are not alone. I feel that nothing with an abused man is black and white. Actually nothing in life is black and white.

Does your husband think he is gay? Did he have a "regular" that he felt romantic towards or was it just sex?

I have learned int he past 2 years that straight men have sex with men for a variety of reasons. Please visit Joe Kort's web site straightguise.com. He isn't one of those crazy religious people who try to cure gays (he is openly gay himself) but he is an expert in this arena. I would take my advice from him and not from people on here. None of us are experts. No one can tell you whether your husband is gay except for him and/or a GOOD therapist.

What does your husband say? Is he a sex addict? There are many, many reasons men have sex with men. One is that it is easy. There is no wining and dining. It is all about the sex. I would imagine that it is illicit makes it all the mor3e exciting as well.

I am also a firm believer in the idea that sex can feel good with anyone if they do the right things. I am sure that i could be with a woman and they could make me orgasm. It is a physical thing. Does that make me gay if I did? I don't think so. It would just mean that my body responded. It is all very complicated.

When I read on here that people are saying "yes he is gay" I want to scream. Nobody can kow that and if your husband was abused, he probably doesn't know either.

Does he want out of the marriage? Does he want to live his life as a gay man? If he doesn't, then my guess is he isn't gay just very confused. Of course, I can't know anything for sure nor can anyone on here.

Please get into some good therapy. You have been through a very traumatic experience. Save yourself and let him figure his own shit out.

I have found COSA and S'anon meetings to be very helpful.