This is a community of men who have been kicked HARD in the balls. Posting publicly is a courageous first step toward recovery. You did it because you need to deal with the effects of the abuse in your life, and heal. Keep posting and keep listening. There's a life waiting for you as a whole healthy man and its within your power to get there.
"But now old friends are acting strange,
they shake their heads, they say I've changed.
Something's lost but something's gained in living every day
....it's life's illusions I recall, I really don't know life at all. "Joni Mitchell