well, tomorrow I see a new T. actually, no - I see the old T I left a year ago. no time to try to figure things out and "explore" my possibilities - my mistake was going to the WoR without a T waiting when I got back. A mistake I won't be making again. I'm sure it hits different people differently - me it hit like a downhill freight train.
Right now I wish I'd never started this whole thing. When I first thought "hmmm .. abuse?" - that would have been when to quit. Before I had confirmation. Before the memories. Before my anger started going off the charts at the SLIGHTEST provocation. I can now say I believe I was better off not knowing.
Many of you that deal with your memories, and have been for years - I have no idea how you do it. It's too much for me. I don't know how to cope. My wife was unsure about me before - you should see her back away now. How I've kept my job since getting back is a miracle in itself.
To have suspected "foul play" was one thing, to know RAPE is another. I can't stand to look at myself. I can't stand ... anything about me.
Someone show me the exit, I wanna get off this ride. please.