Your story sounds a lot like mine. You're not alone.
Like Gary said, keep posting. Until you get yourself into therapy, posting here is a great step in the right direction.
Are you a student or grad student in Prov, by any chance? If so, there might be some good resources for you to get started on seeing a therapist.
Send me a private message if you want to talk more.
"There is a Catskill eagle in some souls that can alike dive down into the blackest gorges, and soar out of them again and become invisible in the sunny spaces... even in his lowest swoop the mountain eagle is still higher than other birds upon the plain, even though they soar." -- from Moby-Dick