Dear providence,

You are not alone. many men here report acting out in the same way.

I wanted to give you some input from my own experience as a Str8 man who has compulsively sought out anonymous sex with men. First let me tell you that I stopped it. Stopped cold turkey. Once I started dealing with my abuse, I began to realize that I was just re-enacting my abuse and that revolted me. I also realized that the kind of sex I was seeking was degrading and I was just punishing myself, because after all I am just a cum-dumpster, or so my perp would have me think. Finally I realized that the sex and the situations were getting riskier and riskier, and eventually I would end up dead, or with some disease that could impair if not kill me. The "high" I got from the sex was just another drug I was using to escape the pain of being raped at 13.

Consider getting yourself into therapy. And keep posting. It took alot of courage to put this out there. Keep it up and you always have brothers here who have your back.

Can't be bothered with sorrow
And I can't be bothered with hate, no, no
I'm using up the time but feeling fine every day
That's why I'm telling you
I just want to celebrate another day of livin'
Rare Earth