Hi Scott,

Reading your words brings familiar pains to the surface. I know exactly how you feel and the questions you ask. Feeling disconnected from others, and feeling like a leper of a broken man. Yes. I've been there, and I sometimes still go there.

I have found that a belief in my Higher Power is critical for recovery as well. Absolutely. I have also found that being in the company of other men (real physical company) searching and reaching for similar recovery offers me healing. I do this in Alanon (12 step group). There's a large list of meetings in my area, and the Alanon meetings with a focus on adult children (of alcoholics) has been an endless source of connection, healing, learning, discovery, and connecting to my Higher Power. Because of the nature of alcoholism, most families with drug addiction issues has a survivor of CSA in them. And you'll find many survivors of CSA in Alanon.

Are you in a support group of a similar take? Like an ASCA or a ACA, or a Alanon or an ISA group? They're all spiritual based groups. I highly recommend it.

I know that you'll find what you're looking for. The truth is, you ARE what you're looking for. Self love, self trust, confidence, and authenticity are what you're wanting. Without the veneer of self hatred and self loathing. Free of self ridicule and judgment. You'll get there soon after you *know* and *feel* that you are worth loving.

D

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It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.

Loving Kindness Meditation will dramatically improve your spirits; give it a try for just 3 days: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sz7cpV7ERsM