Well, CdnDW, that sounds promising! So... what's the new pursuit? Running a marathon? Building model rockets? Learning to fly fish? Don't leave us hanging!

But seriously, that sounds good. I'm really psyched that your husband has been getting into therapy and coming out with a load off his back. I can remember those days well. It can also be kind of a scary time. I remember feeling euphoric one moment and just fucked up in a pit of despair the next.... Unlike your husband, I never even owned the memories of my childhood AT ALL until therapy. I claimed... and truly would have argued with all honesty... that I had a model childhood.

You know what's weird? I used to have the sharpest, most distinct memories of my entire childhood. I can vividly remember my fourth birthday party, for instance, which was pirate themed. I can remember specific times, as well as moments that seem frozen in my mind, like solid impressions. I could remember the abuse, but I didn't. I didn't define it as abuse. It was just something fucked up that happened. And I only thought about it when I worried how it had affected me. I worried that I would become a pedophile. I also worried that I was just a sick bastard. But mostly, I just had these vivid non-abuse memories, and it was almost like a parlor trick. I mean, I could trot out these memories about times when I was five but my cousins and aunts and uncles were adults, and they'd just be amazed that I could remember it all. Well, I started therapy and got into all the stuff with the abuse. By the way, I was diagnosed early on with ADHD, too, but that turned out to be wrong. I was just jumpy and distractable (sp?) all the time because of PTSD. I mean, I hit like 95 out of 100 on the checklist. Anyway, I even tried ADHD meds. Didn't work. And neural feedback. Also didn't work. But it turns out that PTSD just presents itself very similarly to attention deficit hyperactivity. You're just flitting around to keep distracting yourself so you don't fucking relax and remember that you were fucked as a kid!

Whatever. My point is that I had this phenomenal memory... until therapy. Once I started dealing with the memories that I had been hiding from myself, all of my early memories began to lose intensity and immediacy. You know how you might remember something vividly that happened, I don't know, a day ago? Well, I used to have those from 32 years ago. Now? Not so much. Actually, practically never.

I think my brain was just stuck at that time. People say that abuse can stall your emotional growth. I think that's definitely true. It stalled other things, too. I wonder if your husband will experience that.

Well, I'm just rambling. Have a good one. Bob