Yerac. I loved your response thank you for putting it into words so simply. I think that is what my H is feeling. That is what I. Remember feeling as well I remember being afraid to meet the person I was on the inside the girl who wasn't defined by fear and anger. My H pulls away when he thinks I'm trying to see the real him. This thread is a great reminder of why it is so important to try to not take anothers actions personally. It is hard when you feel like the one you love the most doesn't want to connect with you but as yerac pointed out it is because to do that it means that the survivor must connect with himself and trust that you won't reject him and that can be so scary.
Keep calm and carry on!