Hello, I have been looking at this site for about a week now. I have been holding onto my secret for my whole life. I am 24 so my life has not been that long, but when dealing with this....15 years feels like 150 years. I finally told my wife about my abuse about 3 days ago. From the time when I was about 8 to 13 or so is when it happened. It was an older "friend" that did it. I am still a little foggy on exact ages and some details are hard to remember. Is that common? I remember the actual physical aspect like it was yesterday, but the details are a little foggy. Also, this just recently started to really bother me. I have lived with it for 15 years and thought nothing of it, but now it is a constant...i dont know...pain maybe? It was a same sex thing, and I have had a hard time with that. I thought I was gay for a long time. I still dont know if I am or not. Then, some of the things that happened are getting to me. Especially when I told my wife. No man wants to admit that he had to do things that like to another man. Then I had to tell her that I did nothing to stop it. I didnt tell. I didnt tell him to stop. I just shut up and took it. I remember the pain and while it was happening just wanting to be somewhere else. I also remember the feeling of the stuff that was not painful. Does that mean I liked it because my body responded? I do not know which is worse...remembering the pain or the pleasure. It all makes me sick to my stomach. I never planned on telling anyone. Now my wife knows and I do not want to even be near her. I feel ashamed and scared and stupid and weak and everything that is not man. There are so many emotions running through my body that I do not know how to deal with it. Well there is my story...my continueing sturggle!