this is truly beautiful, Peter. painful to read but shining with compassion and hope. i don't have answers to your questions, but it sure sounds to me like a measure of healing has taken place in your heart from the compassion that is glowing through these words.
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9