Thanks, Bob.

We've already had bits and pieces of that conversation already. He knows some of the background I had, and I already disclosed my CSA, but didn't go into detail how much devastation it wrought in my life emotionally. He seems very receptive to it, and non judgmental over it. He's indicated that he has some baggage as well, but he hasn't disclosed anything with detail yet.

So we've already had some pretty intimate conversations. And during our last date, he asked me point blank what I thought about relationships and what role I saw myself playing. He was clearly fishing, and obvious about it.

I'm surprised by his frankness at times, and by his playfulness, too.


Despite the discomforts (and my judgments!), there's a very obvious level of comfort and trust that seems to be organically emerging during our time together. And that is what is befuddling. This is contrary to every prior experience where I needed to have "his" (whoever it may be) assurance and validation. Since we got sexual, I see the compulsion there again - to behave in ways that signal to him that I need to be validated. And staying present to that as much as I can.
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It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.

-- I must remind myself that sugar is my enemy. I can't control my sugar consumption and sugar makes me mentally unstable. I'm reminding myself (because I forgot again).