Northernflicker, you're so brave for sharing all this. Thank you for opening up. Here's the truth. Emotionally, you're a warrior. A strong and loving woman who knows what she wants. You WILL find a positive and loving way forward for yourself. I don't know how, how could I? But I can tell by the things you write, how you do it, that you will.
One of the most hurtful things about us CSA survivors (and I believe that term is good for all of us who are alive) is that we have no boundaries to speak of. All things being equal, we'd fuck just about anybody, but worse than that, we'll allow people into our lives and our personal space... just whenever for whatever reason. We let people trample all over us. We trample all over other people. It's because we have no natural boundaries. And so we have to make them. Your husband/ex, obviously has no boundaries.
It's normal for a married couple to co-own a boat together. It's normal for separated-but-still-working people to co-own a boat together (or for you to be a co-signatory on the loan or whatever). It's normal for people, when they're no longer going to be together to separate their finances completely. It's not mean. It's not kicking him when he's down. It's simply a barrier going up where it makes sense.
Your husband/ex isn't doing himself any favors by leaning on you and his "whore." It's not emotionally healthy to do that. But that's his problem, not yours. I think you need to assert barriers in your life. Your husband (as I said, this is totally common for survivors) doesn't respect your boundaries. It's one of the ways that he perpetuates the abuse that happened to him. He got violated, and so he violates you... by fucking someone else, by keeping his finances tied to you, by doing fun and loving things with you, by claiming he "doesn't know" what's happening with the "whore" or with you or "love."
Come on. I think he's probably telling the truth about his confusion, but please.... The way he's behaving isn't OK. I'm glad you've got your therapist. I hope you can rebuild a nice set of boundaries for yourself, logical ones that allow you to heal and keep you from getting violated and crapped on.
you're right, by the way, about the effect of CSA victims.... But no amount of history should excuse us from the things we choose to do today. We HAVE to be accountable. That's the ONLY way for us to build a new and better life. And the same goes for you. Good luck! I hope you post again soon. Know that I'm praying for you. Bob