i just realized - oral is not a problem for me - because that was not part of my history. in fact my wife asked me about that - horror-struck not long ago - if she had done something terrible and had triggered me back when we last did that. i assured her that it wasn't a big deal in my case, though it probly would be for some guys. but something as otherwise innocuous as the touch through underwear is HUGE for me. just goes to show that everybody's issues are different. you can't assume anything and it helps to really talk about it - as hard as that is. actually - my T and my wife say i need to talk more while engaged sexually - because it helps keep me from getting lost and going away. so that might be helpful for you too - if he (and maybe both of you) can say what he is doing and feeling while it is happening.