Thanks for the posts above. Sometimes I just need to get my thoughts out. they run around and around and if I can't find a resolution right then, they keeping going. I have been finding lately though that if I write them down, or post here, I can let them go... because I know they will be there waiting for me to tackle another day. I can revisit with new perspectice and perhaps some friendly advice or reminders about codependancy and sort some of it through... and then leave it again for another day.
I do know there are things I can't change and I am, definately going through a greiving process. I remember when my son was first diagnosed with high functioning autism, I felt total grief. Once this grief passed, I was able to give up control and start working with what strengths he had. I turned to a lot of Taoist sayings and it helped.
I will eventually get there with this too, but it is a process and I am trying to be patient with myself. Bottom line, I didn't come to this forum for my H. I didn't come here to find out how to help him or fix him. I came here for me and my healing. I hope that through my example and my progress, my H will begin his own healing, but this is secondary.
Thanks again for your support.
I am not your rolling wheels, I am the highway
I am not your carpet ride, I am the sky