So, I started T again last Thursday with the same Christian counselor I had before. She's very good and says God is telling her stuff I need to do. I'll do whatever she thinks I need to because I trust her and God. I don't want to be doing this, but I know the alternative holds nothing good for me so I'll keep going forward. I know now too there will be a day when this sadness will be gone for good, permanently. It will just take some work getting there.
Lao Tzu said: "When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be."