nf,

from my perspective, that of a survivor, i know that before all my abuse memories came back to me, getting therapy etc., that i knew there was some things wrong with me and so on...

i used to think that if i was married, which is what i always wanted out of life, that all the issues i was having would go away. that my life would turn out normal. that things would work themselves out on their own....

well, after many failed relationships, and having my abuse memories come back, getting therapy, i've come to realize that even though i loved the women i was in the relationship with, it would've never lasted because my issues were still there....

it was then, also, that i realized that for me to have any successful relationship/marriage that i needed to work on me, work through my issues and get the help i really needed...

now, i'm not sure the same is true for your husband, however, i know for me that is how it is...
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