I'm hoping that any survivors who read the F&F board can give me some insight.
My husband told me about his CSA three weeks ago. We've been separated for a year.
Since finding this site I've seen our story play out over and over again in other peoples lives, the difference being they are still together. As such, I have come to question my husbands sincerity in marrying me.
I feel he married me for the same reason he left me - to run away, to escape, out of the belief that with the right person he can forget it ever happened. His holding line to me about his life before me, all of it, was "it's in the past, it doesn't matter". He says he loved me in one breath but in the next says he doesn't know what love is or if he knows how to love.
Although this is more about my feelings than his well being, and acknowledging thay only he knows for sure, is it possible that he would married me for the sole reason of escape?
In one part of my soul I believe he loves me, but there is also a lingering belief that our marriage was all about his desire to run. I say this because although he confesses that he always comes up with stupid reasons to leave a relationship after a certain length of time, he continues to stay away. As in, there's no valid reason to leave our marriage but I'm gone anyway so I'm staying away. As I read this over before posting I think man, he's a mess.
Then there's the hot and cold. He wants to lend me some tools so i can finish a project on the house, and we're supposed go fishing next week, but his tone in emails since last week has gotten so terse that I'm not sure I want anything to do with either.
It's mind boggling to think that someone would marry to escape, but then it's also mind boggling that someone would leave a marriage for the same reason.
Anyway, any indication of the lengths a person would go to to run away, to escape would be helpful for me.