I am so going to enjoy the first course in my specialization, Art Therapy 1.

A lot has happened since July 23rd when I last posted. I got a job as a Youth Specialist for juvenile offenders, mainly based on my art background and, as one person told me, my honesty and directness(?!). I ended up turning down the job because I would have been required to physically subdue young people between the ages of 9-18. That was one of many things. We also had extensive training in how to break free from attacks, i.e., being strangled or attacked with a knife.

We were told that on a regular basis youth will falsely accuse employees of sexual abuse. That's where the panic hit me. I realized I would not be able to bear up under that stress at all.

I realized the job was fraught with triggers and my responsibility was to help these kids get a second chance, not work out my csa recovery through them.

However, two people from the organization are keeping their eyes open for other non-contact positions.

When I told them I could not do the job I had to disclose. Even though they were understanding, I hated it. I want no one to know. My T was on me again tonight about my lack of a support network. He said he was very worried a little over two weeks ago when we checked in by phone while he was on vacation. I had the bottle of vodka and was heading to the CVS for the sleeping pills. So, tonight we haggled over building a support network. Didn't get too far.

I'm tired right now. I'll finish up later.