Bill 12 -
i'm no expert and can't diagnose - but what you describe are not inconsistent with abuse survivors. it could be caused by abuse or some sort - but not enough evidence to prove it was sexual abuse. could be emotional or physical...
have you seen a therapist? that might be a good idea - someone who is more knowlegable and can explore things with you in more depth.
and BTW - WELCOME to our safe place. hope you'll stick around and join in more if you feel so inclined. there are others here who have some of the same questions and uncertainty as you.
"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself... And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity." - Paulo Coelho