This is such an important question just me.
An assumption that "many men... who used porn... where not abused" may be too great a stretch. 1 in 6 men probably have been sexually abused. That statistic does not represent fully the arduous journey taken by a child into "manhood" in the past few generations. Much is missing since our forefathers came from the land into cities, created virtual worlds and "coped" themselves into stupors that helped them dissociate from their first work, that of rearing their child(ren).
"...were not abused..." Abuse comes in many forms, and the lack of proper support, traits that have not been fully developed or contentious rebellion in the maturing of a man IS the downfall that allows the intimacy of porn to proliferate in lifestyles today. The men who went to the world wars in the turn of the 20th century were changed and thus, their children were changed and so on, until the values and stability of the end of the 19th were shocked out of the upbringing of their progeny.
The rampant use of pornography today is a culmination of access, opportunity and the missing formula of self reliance, internal affirmation, respect for humanity... the counterfeit reality that is used to "fill in" the pieces of ourselves broken, immature and contended. We ALL therefore have a "reason" to use pornography. It is a condition of society, a release of the emotional frustration, the wrong way to cope, but a way nonetheless.
Again the relevance is not in the excuse, but what the excuse allows, which in recovery is freedom just me. Freedom from shame, the "way" to release, to cope, to endure. Shame, fear, anger, these are a cycle propagated by the abuse, ANY abuse. That we were sexually abused could draw us to porn, but the point remains that ANY abuse creates a void that porn in some way..., fills.
Porn is counterfeit, life affirmed is the genuine article. To your disclosure you may wish to add that this struggle has a conclusion that will aggrandize the pieces of you and your relationship, accentuate the traits that drew her to you, and the stabilization of you.
Have you read the post, Go Get a HUG? Hugs>Por ? It may be shameless self advertising just me, but the struggle to slow and stop the use of porn is clearly addressed in it's columns as well as some exercises and processes that help us fill the places that triggered our grasping for porn.
Accept, consider or dismiss this as you may need, I am merely basking in the courage of your work here, well done.
Edited by sasuva (09/02/12 07:00 PM)
MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014