It might be differences in culture. I live in Sweden so the ultra conservatives are barely existing. I think the difference that make us misunderstand each other is the oposite. Equality has come a long way in Sweden and the macho masculinity is not that much of an ideal anymore. I guess it might be a lot easier to be an unmasquline man in Sweden than in UK perhaps?
Also the discourse of feminism has moved far beyond the "men are better/women are better" quarrel. These opinions were big say 20 years ago. Since then the discourse of feminism (or "gender knowledge", don't know a better translation) has developed to a huge web of analyzes of power structures in society and how they intersect. In this context, people who claim that "all men are pigs" are not seen as feminists but as people upholding the gender differences (if all men are pigs that also means that all women are different and then you have put the responsibility on the women for the mens behavior. The "all men are pigs" is usually followed by "so you should have known better than following a guy home" or something like that.
The word "feminism" has been kept to acqnowledge that feminists se the problem of structural opression against women and want to do something about it. Also out of respect of the feminist movement and its earlier achievements. It has nothing to do with hating men, just like this place is not about hating women even though the place is exclusive for men. From your writings I guess that the development of the feminist movement is different in the UK
In Sweden you just can't say "men are pigs" and stuff out in the media. It's terribly politically incorrect. There was a woman who did this many years ago and people still write about it. Even though the quote was taken out of context. (She answered the question of what she thought a woman would think of men, who had been battered by one most her life. Then the question was cut).
So I guess I am failing to fully understand your perspective, making the mistake of thinking that your reality is the same as mine. In Sweden the people who dislike feminists are usually old men stating that men should be men and women should be women... and then there are a few men who think that white men are the opressed group in society and everytime someone says anything about racism or sexism they start shouting something unfair that they experienced. Usually they bring up the "men are pigs"-lady described above. Like nobody else has ever been insulted by anyone.
I just don't understand why the struggle for more acceptance for men that break the norm of masculinity must be in competition with other groups.