Originally Posted By: northernflicker
So I've been reflecting back on this morning's session with a new therapist and it really pissed me off. He actually suggested that my husband might be lying and that if he's not then he's using the information to manipulate me. This opinion based of course on the behavior exhibited by H during our marriage (the withholding, pulling back). "he's lied to you before by keeping things from you, who's to say he's not lying now?" actually came out of his mouth.

No wonder people don't speak up when they risk facIng that sort of BS. People seem to think male CSA doesn't happen. It's unbelievable quite frankly. And yes I did challenge this crap at the time.

Needless to say I won't be going back there.

Having a hard time understanding the context of this conversation. Did the therapist say H is lying about abuse? Or did he infer that H could be lying about his motivations to reconcile with you? That's my take from the limited info. The therapist was challenging you to consider the fact the CSA survivors are manipulative. Not your husband, all of us are manipulative. We were used and manipulated ourselves, had boudaries destroyed. We become really good at doing it to others. That's the facts. I was not in the room so I did not get the exchange but I must say one thing about therapists.

It is good to hear a therapist challenge your perception. Too many of them sit there nodding and make soothing noises for an hour until its time to go. A good therapist will challenge your thinking once in a while. Even if the person is dead wrong, it's an honest attempt to find truth in a world of illusion. Reacting and getting angry and resolving your diagreement is also good. I am sorry you were so insulted. If there is no rapport with this person by all means quit going.

But I encourage you to allow yourself to be challenged and to push back in a positive way. That is actually really good therapy. Part of becoming a healthy person is standing up and making an assertive response not an emotional one. I hope you find a new therapist you can develop a healthy relationship with. Sometimes it takes two or three.
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