(((C4L))))

More like confused for now. Listen to Valk & Lee & Martin & Scottyg. We will remedy your confusion so you will merely have a conundrm.

There are some ugly myths floating around. One is abuse victims become abusers themselves. This is a rare twist, not a normal progression. There was a post about an Australian study on fathers who were themselves sexually abused that is very informative and linked here. I encourage you to read the article.

Another myth is that homosexual experiences and/or contact turns you gay. Experience does not determine sexual orientation. If it did I would be the biggest, gayest contributer around. My first sexual experience was at the hands of a man. Many of my adult role models and family friends were gay men. I lived in a town that had a very large population of gays. Nonethless I am married to a woman and we have a daughter and I have no fantasies about men or children.

The discrete circumstances are not as important as our shared experience of pain from abuse. I would encourage you to focus on the issues of today rather than dwell on the abuse he suffered in the past. Fatherhood can be very taxing on a survivor's identity and it can also be very healing for that survivor. Vigilance is important... within families... extended families... neighborhoods... you name it. But along with vigilance we need support, encouragement and acceptance so we can grow into healthy people.

-SG
_________________________
I've got a bike you can ride it if you like.
Its got a basket, a bell that rings
And many other things to make it look good.
I'd give it to you if I could -but I've borrowed it.