I didn't really understand the issues I faced completely, but the incest and molestation that occured while I was growing up played heavily into my inability to come to terms with my sexuality. I was so ashamed of my "huge secret" that the other boys at school were the subject of my fantasies and that it thrilled me to talk to them. It was only years later that I really understood that I had grown up having normal adolescent gay sexual fantasies and that other gay boys have them too. I would have given anything to grow up somewhere where it didn't matter to anyone and other boys and I had been allowed to flirt, date, and fall in love like our straight peers were. It was only through the hardest of therapy that I began to accept that my family was wrong to hate me for my gay orientation, that I should be proud of myself, not ashamed, that I could and would get married to a man. Today I don't allow them to judge me, that is a special task only given to those whom I trust. (I do trust some straight people, but they do not condemn me for my sexuality)
I appreciate the thoughts and thank you for posting Alden.