I was raised Catholic, and have remained Catholic although my church attendance could best be described as spotty, but ever since middle school I've always been attracted to occult and hidden spiritual and mystical traditions.
I wonder if the abuse helped me "break through" the standard teachings of Christianity to see the hidden stuff underneath -- much as the abuse opens one's eyes to what happens to seemingly normal people behind closed doors.
That said, I wonder if other abuse survivors feel connected to a spirituality that the normals would consider to be occult?
I have recently purchased a Tarot deck, and it appears to be speaking to me.
"There is a Catskill eagle in some souls that can alike dive down into the blackest gorges, and soar out of them again and become invisible in the sunny spaces... even in his lowest swoop the mountain eagle is still higher than other birds upon the plain, even though they soar." -- from Moby-Dick