Three hours ago I told my wife of ten years there is a real and distinct possiblility I am gay.
I have kept it buried almost as long as I locked away my CSA. I am not even sure what to call what happened to me. I have been trying on different words like incident and abuse, but they don't fit. CSA seems as good as any.
When I was 11 years old, my best friend in the world, who I had known since the begininng, took away my will to live. He hurt me, he humiliated me, and when he got off, he spit on me.
I can no longer keep this inside, and looking back I now see how bad a job I did trying to make it go away. Drugs and alcohol only worked to cover up the shame, disgust, self loathing, and anger for a short period of time. It just came back stronger.
Finding this site and reading the stories of others has made me to no longer feel alone. Talking about my experience in therapy, has helped, but most of all, having a wife, who has put up with my shit for so long, and who is understanding and non judgmental is unbelievable.