Oh man, I read your post and you can change like 4-5 words and it's the exact same for me. I don't know if you have SSA, but I'm gay and my partner is a man and my perpetrators were men and I go through the exact same thing as you.

Presently, I'm of the hope that it will improve with a few years of hard work on recovery stuff... I have gotten some anecdotal evidence that it can play out that way.

Thank you for sharing. Check out the online chat sometime man, maybe we can talk.