Hello AnonNYC and welcome,
Being betrayed by those we are closest to is difficult to overcome. You have been able to begin to voice the emotional turmoil, that is very encouraging. The feelings will minimize as you go through them, for healing is about working through obstacles, understanding why they block survivors from intimacy and healthy relationships with themselves and others.
Isolating, feeling alone is a safety mechanism for survivors. We feel safe wit ourselves, but the perpetrator is still in our heads, and so in truth, we are not alone. Seeking connections with positive, healthy, affirming people creates a desire in us to resolve the past trauma and live a fuller life.
I enjoy your hope and determination, Anon, I look forward to your shares in future posts.
Continue to heal fellow survivor,
MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014