I am new here and I am a survivor of sexual abuse. Yours was the first thing I read that had to do with internal feelings and in your case darkness. I associated with it because about 5 yrs ago I wrote a similar in feeling post on a suicide website ash bus stop or something lie that( the site no longer exists). Mine depicted me as a ship on a dark sea with weathered paint and wet splintering wood in which the rusty broken nails were loose or missing.The site stopped abruptly so I don't have that to share and maybe that's a good thing because I hope today you feel better.
I think on some level healing doesn't begin unless I am in touch with my pain. Pain definetly has the ability to be destructive but it can also be a good motivator if I try not to stay in it alone and long.
I don't know you but then again I know something about you. For me sexual abuse was not a choice but someone told me I chose to be alone. Internally I did not receive this well but I make the effort the best I can to let that not be a reality in my life today. Sometimes when 'normal' people spend time around me regularly and they notice or I think they notice some of the effects from SA I feel the need to explain. I think the miracle for me is that it didn't seem to make any difference to them maybe because I invested the time I could to be concerned with their lives as I've shared some parts of mine.
What I wish other people knew about ASA is that it is a challenge, like others, that seeks to consume from a place so ingrained in human nature that there is not only the difficulty in resisting the fallout from it, but also in finding the desire to confront it and the will to be productive after it.
Best Wishes recreated
Edited by recreated (07/22/12 04:13 PM)
Edit Reason: decided to sign with user name instead of real name