I wish:
•professionals did not think l was bi-courious or hussling same sex encounters
*I was walking down the street at 11AM on a October morning in 1977
•"he would have to kill me first" did not apply
*I grew up tough very street wise and exposed to life beyond my peers. At 16 years old l was living in the Alaska, had been in the bush for five years and when my family moved to Redondo Beach in So. California l stayed for another nine months alone..went to school and lived without parental supervision or contact untill rejoining the family. I dropped school because l had lived beyond my peers and began working full time at Kings Marina doing restoration on sailboat woodwork..I earned $1.50 an hour in Febuary 1975, I drank beer l bought and had money from side jobs too...when l joined the Marine Corps in August 1975 I was earning $4.50 on the boats and contracting wood finishing and painting work..l'd ride my bike, hitch or have mom drive me...I had to go thru some tough neighborhoods and sometimes bus routes would take me into/out of bad ones. I was a tough, confident and story telling kid...people liked me. In the Marines my nickname in bootcamp was Smiley. My first station, Marine Barracks was in the triple canopy jungle at Subic Bay Philippines patrolling and catching armed intruders in the Naval Magazine..ammunitions storage...and in Olongapo City it was triple-sex..not just a district...this whole town was fuck city and rough. If l wanted same sex encounters it was very common and available. I hooked and jabbed the whole Luzon island from street level...From the Makati District to the provinces..did the whole Battan Hwy on public bus viewing WW ll memorials...the Death Hwy. None of my peers did that shit. When l got drunk one night and picked up a street walker, lower than a club girl, it turned out to be a Bennie Boy..he/she was sucking my dick when l realized it and l pounded him one..others came in the room..like more than six..l had one down and picked up a fan then offensively got the fuck out of there. It was after curfew, martial law..l shadowed my way back towards base..saw a shore patrol van and stepped out...they took me back to the rooming house and confirmed what happened. We laughed about it on the ride to the Main Gate..l walked the ten miles back to Cubi Pt. and the next day we laughed about it as it was retold to my buddies. When l got back to America I volunteered and was accepted into the toughest field unit the Marine Corps has, 1st Recon Battalion. Hazing in this place usually resulted in blood shirts and bruises of Honor...l was trained in tough ass shit offensive, defensive and mental/physical endurance. I knew limitation and strength..how to create it.
Then in October 1977 everything l knew instinctively or learned made me ready to survive a deception as l walked down the street in San Clemente California..false trust from a normal looking man who needed help..a ruse...and l poured up a drink he had in the car myself. The Vodka or the bottle of orange juice was laced with barbituates. On the second glass l blacked-out.
Many hours later l came aware..my Moment of Doom...my first thought was l am drugged, going to be raped and likely end up dead. I was still in the car, it was dark and l unwillingly complied. Survival mode when fight or flight is not an option is redline/flatline shit the mind and body must deal with.
I remember a few months later wanting to kill him, track him down..it would have been easy..l knew where he fucking lived. l knew he had killed others..he talked about it. What he did to me..the evidence on my body included bite/burn.(Some of you know that five years ago l found out he killed sixty-seven known and is on death row..caught May 1983 driving at 1AM with a dead Marine)
Even now at 54 years old l am a tough MF'er.
I tell when asked why l did not fight back..I did and l won. Then they ask how and l explain what to do when deadly assaults occure, before it becomes a reality.
•sex crime victim mentality
*Moments after disclosure l asked myself in utter flatline...Why didn't l tell someone?
I distinctly recalled during the silent ride back, after the night of terror l was thinking...How am I not going to tell anyone what happened! l lied about the evidence and said l was at an orgy yet l incorporated actual events of the abduction. After leaving the Marines the version changed to I Got Away but incorporated the truth and fiction.
Fucked up thing is all those thirty years everyone believed the lies..then when l disclosed and confronted many did not believe me..especially the U.S. Gov/Veterans Mental Health people.
Everyone else knows its the truth..can't fake the end result.
•other men knew professional and peer surpport is available
* Nothing worse than needing therapy for previous therapy. There are great therapists and then there are harmful therapists out there. I wish l had known what to do after disclosure. I didn't find this site until after confrontation and over a year past disclosure..by then l had done everything wrong. I was a bigger mess.

Thanks JB for stepping up and taking responsibility as Mod for the ASA Forum. When l read the announcement l was courious...the forum was failing and so since l had never seen any posts or replies..like you just popped in..l was leary and since your Story was not available l googled your name.
I found your off-site advocacy and support an affirmation that you will move this online forum to a healthy and safe place for ASA members. So thanks for all you do in both realms.
_________________________
Doug>ASA Survivor (1x)
ECV 6001/MaTuCa Chapter 1849
E Clampus Vitus
"What Say the Brethren"
"Hang the Bastards"