wow, brave bro
Its not easy and its not easy when you have had the tripple whammy of abuse, hyper religiosity , and incest. Fuck thats a lot.
Its going to take time, your brain is not yet completed developing. getting the shit out is great, replace it with non shit. perservere, you can do it, jump thru the hoops.
Feel entitled to feel as you feel and express your needs and wants. That part is tough tho when you have never been given or been able to develop those tools. it will come if you nurture that little guy who is still frozen from the winter abandonment of being truly cared for, scene and accepted. You WILL find that , we are out there.
Good luck in your studies, its impressive.
Intent backed by actions is all you have. That is what i have found to be my greatest new gift. It makes an impenatrable shield. If i act on my intentions then i know i my heart its all i can do. How it lands or is perceived is up to others, that's their shit. But That's the tough part, not accepting that you wanting to please people or wanting them to like you is your responsibility. It's not. Yet we own and feel hurt cuz that rejection stings us. We are all trying so fucking hard to even get back to normal.
I say let normal come to us, its their turn.
All the best bro,
The need for love lies at the very foundation of human existence. Dalai Lama
WoR Barrie 2011