I agree completely. I think the "ex-gay" movement is shame based and hate based. I think the idea that if you work hard you can fix it sets up the subject for a huge (and in my case life threatening) failure. To say that my family harmed me is understatement of the most criminal nature, but the reality is that the violations of my physical person were not the most damaging. The total shaming of my personality and gay identity were the most incredibly damaging. I was entering life without the ability to succeed because my life had been that of a sex toy or a prostitute, worse a slave because I didn't get money or pay. I didn't date, and didn't funtion well in the real world. I had/have a huge confidence deficit, I have spent most of my life locked in a battle for self esteem. I lost my childhood to CSA/incest/physical abuse, and by the time I figured out how to come out I felt as if I was "too old" to be gay. My sense of loss was profound, and opening my mind (to accept that I was not too old nor was my life over) was almost beyond my abilies to accomplish. My difficulty accepting my gay identity was/is the most moving part of my personal tragedy, as I married two women and fathered a son who is now 18 and spends time with me and my partner. I have at long last made my peace with being gay and resent like hell my families attempts to shame me into silence. Gay rights is not idealism for me, it is my attempt to right the wrongs perpetuated upon me by growing up gay in my conservative religious family and in the deep south. I mourn for my younger self who was so isolated and alone and even today will cry when seeing two gay teens holding hands or kissing. I have a great marriage to my husband, and work in Therapy to hopefully deal with some of these frozen feelings.
In the meantime....let's hope the ex gays forget to rattle their tamborine and proclaim their message in their attempt to whitewash the world and make it just like they want it to be, I didn't deserve to hate myself because I couldn't be straight...and neither should anyone else!