I would like to "weigh - in".

My own past includes life long attraction to other males. In addition to that, I was a victim of CSA and Incest. I was taught gay sex. I later (at 15 in the deep south) identified as Gay, and upon sharing that, I was taken to an "ex-gay" shrink to be "fixed".

Currently I am 44 and am gay, in a LTR/married to another man. I don't have nor expect to ever have love/acceptance of my gay orientation/identity from my family of origin, who after training me to satisfy their own sexual requests, have now ostracized me for being gay. (I was raped by siblings when less than 8). I also had a very hard and difficult road to acceptance within myself. I had internalized homophobia, I hated myself, was ashamed for being gay because I believed that gay was bad.

Today I care little for others comments, if someone feels this way or that way about how they got to where they are I have no objections, I just desire acceptance and respect for the difficult, painful journey I had to travel to achieve some peace with my own sexuality. I have bitterly resented not being loved, respected, protected, or even valued. (My parents participated in physical abuse, and did not report the crimes of an outside molester, much less the incest and family abuses) for I often wonder if the ex-gay ministries like the program that taught me self-hate ever worked for anyone? If they did work, then more power to the survivor, but in my history, they gave my abusers one more weapon to add to the arsenal of shame, bigotry, predjudice, and hatred which they heaped upon my head and used to control me. I cannot resolutely say any viewpoints are wrong or wright here, even your's Ed from NYC, but then you know that. You sort of say that. You know they can't unseat your position, you know they cannot in good faith adopt your point of view...as I find myself unable to. (In my case that is putting it mildly, I prefer much more caustic rhetoric when discussing these subjects about which I also (as you stated) feel very strongly.

It isn't really about the how, or the bad science, or the nature vs nurture debate, it is more....it is: who am I, should I be ashamed, can I be me, who is me? Can me be different from what you say I should be?

I respectfully submit that recovery doesn't care about gay vs straight, but is more appropriately concerned with quality of life. We absolutely must accept your experience, as you must absolutely accept each of ours. I am no expert on being straight, but I am THE EXPERT on being Geoff. Now....where did I leave that fairy dust...... It doesn't matter who we sleep with, it matters if we can ovecome hatred of self, and those who would destroy us.

Respectfully & Passionately

With love for each of you who posted,

Geoffrey