The floor is falling out form under me! I am writing an essay for a scholarship, extolling my virtues. I have a bunch of stuff down but I feel like i've walked through an emotional mine field. I am not that guy inside. Everything verifies, but i can't be that guy. i can't. If i am then it means who i think I am is all wrong. God this hurts.

Can't stop crying.

I want to drink until I pass out. I am not going to at least not at the moment. I'll take a walk. Maybe someone can write soething that will make me feel better. You can lie to me, just help this pain calm down.

I don't think I can do this.