I got a call from voices, or victoms of incest can emerge survivors. They told me that they dont know of any group or anyone who would know of group for male survivors. Man, i can lose faith in this process very easily. I'm trying really hard not to hate this world, but i feel like it has singled me out for some reason.
Sometimes i feel like good things are an illision, that its just a trick to manipulate me. I sometimes think if life is just about who is on top and who is on bottom, id rather be a monster than have to live like this until i die. I know i never could, but its so damn unfair. Why is my depression getting so bad? I dont feel like i have the energy to do anything. I am thinking of changing my medication or something. i havent been able to take care of myself, but it is hard to do anything to get help when nobody seems to care. Sometimes i wonder if i should commit myself. Probably not, just i get scared i wont be able to take care of myself sometimes. Do you still recieve disability while you are hospitialised? I dont know.
I eat every once in a while and try to keep up hygiene, but i still havnt gone to the store in a couple weeks. I feel really bad. Its still the same problem, i cant remember what happened exactely, and i dont know how to feel about what did. i have got to go i have class tonight.