Update. I took part in making a documentary about sexual abuse and the legal system last month. In it, I divulged off camera about the rape, and on camera about the abuse from my older male cousin. I was not prepared physically or emotionally that it was my cousin but a "close family friend" (sorry to those who feel that I pussed out, but I know I can't handle the fallout right now). So I put myself in a place where I HAVE to come clean to her before it is released. I wrote a letter to her telling her what happened and planned to have her read it after I left to be filmed. Told her that if she didnt want me to come home from filming after she read it, call me and i wouldnt come hme. Didn't have her read it until last week. She read it and was understanding and said she loved me and I was foolish to think she would leave. Was a little hurt that I hadn't told her before. We haven't talked about it since as last week we welcomed our first grandchild. So ts week we need to discuss therapy