Yep, totally get this. I was born with a compliant nature (at least I think I was) and then had it utterly demanded and forced on me by a mother who made everything all about her. Her idea of parenting was to get her kids to think and act exactly like her. Didn't work so well.

But now I struggle with the whole compliance thing. I understand the his self esteem relegated him to the pleaser role. He was incapable of believing that I liked him for him - so he made sure not to create conflict or friction or ask for too much. This way I would like him (for what he did for me or how well he complied). thing completely. That was definitely me completely.

I've also done then whole... ok we'll do it your way and you'll see how utterly f-d up your idea is... thing as well. Except I definitely reach a point of boiling and lose it. We've had some holes in our walls to prove it and even pulled a whole door off it's hinges once.....

Anyway.... feel a little sheepish sharing those things, but yes the whole compliance thing makes total sense to me. I think at some level all men will come to a boil in that situation. It's just how that steam is let off if you will. Some get angry, some run to addictions, some act out.

Oh, and the answer to the question that someone will probably ask is, Yes, I do feel the whole compliance thing as a child led to a whole hell of a lot more abuse than probably would have occurred if I wasn't forced to comply in all things by my mother.