So sorry, Dex!
i don't have an answer for you except to offer my own experience - the second time around in therapy for me was really necessary. i was doing very poorly and it would not have gotten better without intervention. the first time i did not finish the work though we dealt with all the stuff i was aware of at the time. the second time - 25 years later, i needed to get to the very root of things and it has been amazing to me how much was involved that i'd never even suspected before. for your sake and for the sake of your marriage, you need to get the help and finish the work. be sure you involve your wife in the decision and let her feel she is part of the process. Start slow with introducing the subject and and see where it goes. she may surprise you.
standing with you,
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9