I know that my reply here doesn't cover all of the things you're talking about. I hope that it does cover one of them.
I think a lot of us still feel like a boy. I know that I do.
I passed a mirror in a store a few days ago and I was shocked! My internal feeling of who I am is extremely different than how I actually look! I don't know how old my inner feeling is. It may still be 12-years-old, the time of significant abuse. I was locked into feeling 12-years-old for many, many years. I may still be there.
I recently posted a picture of what I really look like now. It's so very different than who I inwardly think I am.http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...9264#Post389264
My explanation for my own situation is loss of identity when I was a kid. Somehow that internal feeling got erased or stuck or something.
Allen or Puffer