I don't feel slapped in the face by this sort of termminology. I do, however, feel put to the side into the throes of the forgotten.

It does not apply to me. I have no "inner child" who needs healing. I had a good childhood, happy memories of it, I don't need childhood repair.

It was the fully grown, well-adjusted ADULT man who was traumatized. BIG difference.

For me, I just "turn off" when this terminology is thrown around, and perhaps due to the frequency of it, often feel as though I am one of the forgotten, and excluded, do not fit in with other survivors, supposed to not be able to relate to them, etc.

HOWEVER....

Having had to do some serious thought and soul-searching lately, the more I think about this, the more I realize I have begun approaching this terminology differently.

Do I still feel put off, exluded, etc, when I hear it? Yes. Yes, I do. But I don't let it rattle me. I look at it like this - adapt and change it. Adapt and change.

I don't have a "child" who needs to heal, but me as the adult, formerly adjusted grown man needs to heal. So change the terminology.

I frequently just change the "inner child" term in my head to my own name. It's not a "child", it's "Matthew".

I have the Matthew I was before the assault. And I have the Matthew I am now, after the assault. I am not happy with the Matthew I am now - I am trying to heal. What I am striving for is a sort of middle ground - a compromise between the two. Something that can connect the "before" with the "after" in such a way that "feels" like "me." Something somewhere between the two that I can accept and live with.

So for me "inner child" when I see it simply equals "Matthew" in my brain. I automatically change those two words in my head when I read it or hear it.

The past cannot be undone. What is done is done. I was raped. Pure, plain and fucking simple. But that does NOT and SHOULD not define the rest of my life. And that is how I approach this, and that is what I aim for.

Adapt, overcome.

_________________________
Matthew

Adapt. Overcome. Survive.