Last night was the worse night of my life. I need some help from all of you. It;ll be a long story I think.

I had the kids yesterday afternoon, had a great time. After I brought them home I did some things and then went to get beer. I was paying and talking with the cashier, just bullshitting, you know. There;s a resturant next door and who do I see getting out of a car and going to the resturant but Kimmie. She was with this guy and she;s all dressed up, black dress, heels, looking real nice, talking with this guy. It felt like it took an hour for them to get to the door but it only took a minute or less.

I know guys here write about how they don;t feel like a man. We push our women away and become strangers to them. I posted my story and I talked about this alot, that it;s wrong to push your wife away, she;s your friend, let her help, but I didn;t do that. I pushed her away and how it serves me right. I started to get my shit together and saw all the bad thigns I did and I want her bck. The divorce isn;t final yet so I keep hoping that we can make it.

NOTHING WILL MAKE YOUR BALLS SHRIVEL UP WORSE THAN SEEING YOUR LADY WITH ANOTHER GUY. IT;S LIKE BEING PUNCHED IN THE GUT AND HAVING THE WIND KNOCKED OUT OF YOU. I felt real shitty when I started to see all of the bad things I did to her but this is the worse I ever felt but I guess I deserve it, it serves me right after all I did to her. didn;t really think it would happen is all, I guess. I sound pitiful. I;m disgusted with myself but I don;t want to change what I wrote.

Like I said before, I drank and did drugs when I started to remember my abuse and then I started sleeping around for alot of different reasons. It got to be too much for Kimmie and she left. She came back instead and kicked me out, changed the locks. By the time I started to get my shit together it was too late, she wouldn;t talk to me except about the kids. I said all this before. I read all these posts saying that the women shouldn;t expct much from us at the beginnign, we don;t have much to give. Bullshit. We;re dealing with some bad stuff but they have problems too that they have to deal with . It;s worse with me, we;re married but i wasn't there for her.I got so caught up in my own problems like they were the worse problems anyone ever had, but at least I had Kimmie, the kids, a job, a roof over my head, food, all that. I was suppose to be there for her, she was there for me but I pushed her away. It;s wrong to say they shouldn;t expect anytinng from us at the beginning. We have to keep living our life and being there for our family. that;s what it means to be a man, otherwise how can you look at yourself in the mirror? I was so caught up in my problem that I pushed Kimmie away and wasn;t there for her and now she;s going to someone else and it;s cause I wasn;t there for her.

there;s a couple guys I want to send this to. I hope it helps some of the guys in the early stages. I drank two of the beers on my way home and had to pull over and throw up on my way home. I spent the night drinking and feeling sorry for myself, help me get past that part.