So many things are happening my head is spinning and I feel out of control. My home computer got corrupted so, for the time being I am stuck at cyber centers. I cannot afford to take the time to wait for my tekkie to show up to fix it.
One of my classmates is trying to strike up a friendship and it is freaking me out. I feel like I am walking on landmines. I hate interacting one-on-one in person. But I don't want to be rude.
Any encouragement my T has expressed comes across wrong. I asked him last night why he was making fun of me. He said he wasn't but what he is saying is far out of my comfort zone he understands why I think he is ridiculing me.
I am not special. I am not courageous. I am not charismatic. I am sick and tired of people saying it. I went into therapy because I was sad all the time and completely exhausted. I can't believe it but I am even more exhausted. No one seems to understand the feeling. I tell them, they nod, then hand me a 50lb. boulder to carry uphill. I assume that there's another pile of bullshit waiting for me at the next bend. In fact when I wake up everyday I groan because I woke up.
I got to find a job, budget the loan payment, so I can cut this loose in June. My T keeps telling me to hang in, that I have something special to give. Dam! If he's so set on this, let him do it!