I am ruminating tonight about the night I was sexually assaulted. I wished I had done more to stop it. It was in the bathroom at the local University.
I was in the building studying and had to go to the bathroom. I went in one of the stalls as I was NOT comfortable being at the urinal. I "sensed" someone in the bathroom so I stayed in the stall. I thought he left so, I opened the door.
I was surprised to find him outside the door with his hands around his ....
I was intriqued. I know it now why I was intrigued. I am also a CSA survivor and this behavior was identical to the behavior of my cousin when I was 6. Anyways as soon as he saw that I was intrigued he pushed me back into the stall. He did not have to push very hard as I submitted to his advances. He motioned for me to turn around. I turned around. He moved up beside me and waved his ... at me. I reached out to play with it. I did so for what seemed like a long time. He then moved behind me. I would then feel the most intense pain I had felt since I was 11. I froze.
I think about how I would act today in such a situation. I would be repulsed by the guestures and leave the bathroom. I would never have opened the door. Why did I open the door? I would never speak about this horror until now.
My shoulder and back muscles are tense right now. I will stop. I am getting a migraine headache.
Edited by Avery46 (01/31/12 09:55 PM)