Ah yes - we're among the 2/3 of survivors who DON'T act out in that way and become perps ourselves. But what do you always hear about? The 1/3 who end up as abusers. And you even hear the statement "MANY" victims become abusers themselves." OK - so 1/3 is a terrible amount - BUT it is not the majority! And it makes me cry inside every time I hear it. Makes me want to dig my hole deeper and bury myself without any thought of coming up again. I don't dare tell my story because I'll automatically be branded as a pedo/perp. Regardless of the fact that I am so tied up in knots that I can't have any kind of physical relationship - whether normal or abnormal - it's all equally scary. Suddenly I become a suspect instead of a victim. This issue comes closest to making me mad of just about anything - and my anger has been pretty effectively anesthetized by my perps, too - along with nearly every other emotion - healthy or not. I'd rather die than hurt anyone else like I was hurt. That's the biggest deterrent I can imagine.
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago