I hear you, man! Not gay - but don't function well as hetero either. But elements of both that are in constant conflict and cause anxiety and discomfort with any contact beyond a simple handshake. Yeah - and I go so far to avoid anything that could be misinterpreted as abuse that I avoid normal human expressions of afffection and end up being alone and perceived as cold and stand-offish. I even have a tough time initiating physical intimacy in the most safe and protected setting and relationship.
Anyway --- you're not the only one, if that helps at all. It IS hard, I know...
A man talking sense to himself is no madder than a man talking nonsense to not himself.
Or just as mad.
So there you are.
Stark raving sane.
- Tom Stoppard, Rosencrantz & Guildenstern are Dead