This is such a hard, hard topic for me that I can't even begin to open the can of worms associated with it. I've mentioned it to my therapist several times but we've never truly addressed it.

I don't belong anywhere. I'm neither gay nor straight yet in some ways I'm both while not belonging to either community. So much of this goes back to not wanted to abuse others or doing what I preceive as abuse as I didn't like it when it happened to me.

If anyone ever heard my abduction story as a 10 year old boy and was supicious of my being abuser based on the false assumption that "all guys who were abused go on to become abuser", that would kill me. It would kill me because it so very very very much the opposite for me. I wouln't/couldn't take advantage of someone sexually and am overly tuned in to anything that might be causing discomfort or pain.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!